It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
