Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
