I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
