none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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