haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
