i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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