she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
only you would photoshop your dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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