Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
