Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
