Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
