i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
