I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
