i would punch a child for taco bell
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
