i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
