Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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