you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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