You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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