What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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