I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
