You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
