So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
