i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
