I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
