Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
