My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
