I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
