Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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