I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
