so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
