He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I want a musical about memes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
