I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
