i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
