You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
50% drunk capacity currently
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
