New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
