Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
