just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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