When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
