i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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