Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
