i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
