i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
