i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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