I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
