My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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