i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
