Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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