one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
