One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
