fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
