He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
