How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
