how can u be prego again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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