i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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